13 Jul 1921

13 July 1921

Chalet des Sapins, Montana-sur-Sierre, Switzerland

July 13th. Went to the Palace & had the gland punctured. It is very unlikely that they will save the skin. I am sure, from the feeling, that they won't & that this affair is only beginning. I shall be back at the Palace before the week is out. In the meantime I am exhausted & can't write a stroke.

Well I must confess I have had an idle day - god knows why. All was to be written but I just didn't write it. I thought I would but I felt tired after tea and rested instead. Is it good or bad in me to behave so? I have a sense of guilt but at the same time I know that to rest is the very best thing I can do. And for some reason there is a kind of booming in my head - which is horrid. But marks of earthly degradation still pursue me. I am not crystal clear - above all else, I do still lack application. It's not right. There is so much to do and I do so little. Life would be almost perfect here if only when I was pretending to work I always was working. But that is surely not too hard? Look at the stories that wait and wait just at the threshold. Why don't I let them in? And their place would be taken by others who are lurking just beyond out there - waiting for the chance.

[KM Notebooks.]